Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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