You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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