I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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