his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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