so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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