I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sex in the backyard? Check.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
