Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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