so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
