You're so nebulous sometimes
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
