I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
