It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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