this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
