you guys were way drunker than both of me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
