if you like me you must not know who I am
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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