no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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