One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
