I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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