youre lurking in front of me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
