Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
