You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
