dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
