i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Drake has all the answers
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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