I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
