Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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