I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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