Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
