what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
