Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
