AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize