Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
