Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
