Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
