My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
