my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
