Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
barbara walters just said penis...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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