Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
