i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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