I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They took my balls.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
