I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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