He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
