Apparently you make a good broom.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
