He uses pillows to masturbate.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
