70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
