I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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