Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Will you blow on my dice?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
