well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
