They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
