hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
