I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
