Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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