Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
