It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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