i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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