No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Is it because I queefed?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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