I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
