i'm signing you up for texting rehab
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
