dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sobbing to NWA
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
