Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
