I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
