My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
