So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Are we still banned from the library?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dick very happy bro
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
