i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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