Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
