She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
