it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
