ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize