you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
