Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
