I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Randomize
