You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
