took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize