Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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