Taylor Swift is so right about you.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
