Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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