dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
