Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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