You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
