Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We talked him into tasing himself.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
