jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
